by Marissa Marangoni

You know something we’ve never really talked about? Toilet size. Until I had the very grown-up privilege of purchasing a toilet, I never realized that they came in different sizes: XL toilets are a thing. And the toilet in the bathroom at My Private Gym Copley is… not XL.  

My Private Gym is newish to Copley Circle. MPG just opened its doors to new members and is conveniently located in the Walterville Complex so you can fill your propane tanks and buy handmade Halloween decorations from the Sassy Sunflower all after a sweaty workout. At their recent open house, MPG generously offered visitors hamburgers, fitness information and a clean lil’ bathroom with a clean lil’ toilet.

You can do a lot of multitasking in here.

In fairness to MPG, the bathroom space could not support a bigger toilet, but I suspect that this cute commode does not comfortably accommodate clientele of all sizes. This is a true water closet: one toilet, one sink and all the paper towels and toilet paper a person might need. There’s not much going on in here aesthetically, but I guess that’s what’s expected at a garage gym. The space is clean, and that’s always appreciated here, as is the basket on top of the toilet with hair bands, tampons and deodorant. 

I know some pretty strong bonds can form when you’re strength training with people, but I wonder if the bonds are strong enough to warrant a communal deodorant. In a pinch, if you had to go somewhere public right after you have sweat yourself silly, a shared deodorant is probably better than no deodorant. Pro tip: keep a spare deodorant in the trunk of your car for this occasion.

I think my favorite feature of this gym john is that it has a utility sink — the kind that people hide in their basements next to their laundry machines. When you turn the cold water on, the faucet screams. It is a terrible, gravelly type of noise. In the spirit of Halloween, this is appropriate, albeit startling, but in the off-season the screaming might be an assault to the ears. Then again, they say gyms are where fat goes to die, so maybe that screaming is just the sound of fat being murdered.

Go listen to your own fat scream in the bathroom at My Private Gym Copley (just email or message to schedule a visit first). This bathroom gets a ⅘ toilets for being clean, offering sundries and the screaming sink.

Bio: Marissa Marangoni has been writing about bathrooms since 2015.

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