Urine Luck | Magic Theatre Company at Park Theatre & Brubaker’s in Montrose June 9th, 2018 Magic Theatre Company at Park Theatre: Bravo, bravo! Emily Dressler The Magical Theatre Company performs at the Park Theatre in downtown Barberton. I wish I could make a dumb joke like “But the bathrooms are the real star of the show!” but it would not be true. I mean, the bathroom I used was pretty wonderful, but so was Curious George and the Golden Meatball. It seems that every inch of this theater benefits from careful attention to detail. Because I like weird bathrooms, part of me wishes I could have seen the bathrooms at Park Theatre before the big makeover in 2015. However, I also like wonderful bathrooms, and this unisex bathroom with slanted walls is bright and clean. Before and after pictures on the Park Theatre website say that the restrooms did not meet code and that “Several fixtures are broken, including the entire men’s room” (emphasis added). The website has a picture of boys waiting in line to use the bathroom before the theater’s makeover. When even the boys and men have to wait in line due to a lack of functional/safe bathroom space, you know it’s bad. There is no equivalent picture of women waiting in a bathroom line because this happens all the time everywhere. There are public bathrooms on the right and left sides of the lobby at Park Theatre. After the performance, I exited the theater and went for the closest restroom, a unisex single-person job that was immediately to my right. I asked the person standing in front of the door if she was in line. When she responded with “No, I’m waiting,” and then sort of gestured behind me, I was confused. So I smiled and shrugged my shoulders and then gestured toward the bathroom. This is often how I communicate: a series of shrugs, smiles, and gestures like a fidgety third-base coach. There’s a chance this bathroom is primarily intended for families and handicapped people, but I don’t know. There were a lot of people around so I panicked and used it anyway. I am a true social idiot. This bathroom looks good, though. The light green walls are nice (second bathroom in a row I’ve reviewed that has light green walls, just FYI), especially paired with the white wall tiles. The slanted walls make me feel like I’m in a cozy bathroom tucked into an eave. The automatic soap dispenser was broken, so a nice bar of Dial (or Ivory?) soap was on a couple of soaked paper towels on the sink. Personally, I prefer bar soap, but I get that it can be a weird choice for a public restroom. But whatever. My constant exposure to germs is what keeps me healthy (I have a cold right now). I loved this bathroom and my experience with the Magic Theatre Company so much that I’m giving it a 5/5. Park Theatre 565 W Tuscarawas Ave. Barberton, OH 44203 (330) 848-3708 Emily thinks that “bathroom” should have an alternate fancy spelling, like theatre/theater, shop/shoppe, and so on. Bathroomme? Brubaker’s in Montrose: Take 2 Marissa Marangoni An anonymous Facebook user tipped me off to changes made to the Brubaker’s bathroom in Montrose right after my review of it was published in March. It took me some time to get back there, but a true reward awaited me, and it wasn’t the beer. Not that there was anything wrong with the beer, but I felt I had to drink it because there was too much eye contact and small talk with the bartenders for me to just go to the bathroom and leave. I mean, that was my original plan, but the majority of the customers were on the patio, so I was the center of attention as soon as I walked in the door. I didn’t want to have to explain that I was just there to take pictures in the bathroom, so I just got the beer and, like a true American, posted it on Instagram instead of making more eye contact or doing any further socialization. If you recall, the old Brubaker’s bathroom was deceptive. It held only one toilet stall and contained wasted space that women were forced to stand in and risk getting smacked by the door opening. The harsh fluorescent lighting didn’t do anyone any favors when looking in the mirror, even when you were a hot-mess drunk (not that I know a thing about that), and there were a lot of weird holes in the wall by the toilet paper holder that did not hold toilet paper. In short, the bathroom wasn’t all that great. And it wasn’t all that clean. And there wasn’t anything interesting in it to save it from the 1.5/5 toilet rating I gave it. But now? This old rough in the rough has turned into a sparkly diamond. That’s right, folks. For the second time that we are aware of in Urine Luck history, somebody whipped a tired, gross bathroom into shape after it was reviewed. I am not sure that the makeover was a result of the review, but that doesn’t matter because this space is now a place in Akron in which you can be proud to pee. HGTV should probably give Urine Luck a TV show where we tell people how crappy their bathrooms are and make suggestions on how to fix them. HGTV can do the fixing. Everything is new and clean in the improved Brubaker’s women’s bathroom. I can only assume that the men’s room underwent a similar transformation. The walls here are no longer yellowed but half-covered in stately gray tiles and complementary gray paint. The floor is no longer wet and gross but dry and distinguished by laminate disguised as wood. The toilet paper rolls are aplenty and housed on appropriate toilet paper rollers. The best part about these updated digs is the change from a pointless stall with a single toilet to a single-staller bathroom. In other words, when you open the door, there’s the toilet, there’s the sink, and you don’t have to share any of it with anyone. You can lock the door behind you and escape from the noise and nonsense of the drinking crowd to enjoy your own little fortress of solitude. This bathroom is now complete with handicapped-accessible features and a fancy sink faucet that produces a flat flow of water. I don’t know if that last part makes sense, but I hope you know what I mean. When I visited this updated bathroom, I was the least classy person in the bar. I really mean that. I went there straight from working out, so I was sweaty, wearing shorts and this stupid deodorant that smells like the cat litter I buy for my cats. I wasn’t feeling myself. I’ll tell you, though, this bathroom is so nice now that I actually forgot about how unfit I was to go in public that day. That’s a real feat when all I’m trying to do is keep my distance from people because I’m not sure how offensive the smell of cat litter mingled with sweat is for everyone who is not me. The low lighting and neutral tones let me escape from myself, if only for a few moments. Brubaker’s in Montrose, you have impressed me. It is time we hand out the most improved toilet award again, and you are at the top of the list for the year so far. Of the bar bathrooms in Montrose, this is the place to poop. 5/5 toilets. Brubaker’s Pub 4005 Medina Rd Akron, OH 44333 (330) 666-8021 Marissa has never gone to a bar alone prior to this occasion. Next time, she might take a shower. 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