Urine Luck: Brains and Brawn. Pee Deal at Traffic Court

by Emily Dressler

urineluckThe women’s restroom on the 7th floor of the Akron Municipal Court–Traffic Court floor–is a travesty of justice. A violation of my First Amendment Rights. I cannot have life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness here, behind this shower curtain stall door.

Traffic Court is also a travesty of justice, and if you’re trying to fight a speeding ticket, it takes less time and hassle to just pay the damn thing even if you’re pretty sure the cop was wrong.

When you exit Traffic Court from the cashier’s room, the women’s restroom is practically right in front of you. I didn’t realize that so I walked around in circles until I was right back where I started. While walking in circles at Akron Municipal Court, join the chorus of folks walking in circles looking for wherever they need to be and waiting for slow elevators.

It’s no surprise that this single-”stall” restroom is in such awful shape. The entire Harold K. Stubbs Justice Center is dated. My dad clerked here in the 60s and said there was an old padded room that had been used for epileptics. I bet it’s still here. This courthouse should do double duty as a haunted house.

I thought I could walk into the restroom and unwind after an annoying visit to Traffic Court. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this was not it. I laughed out loud when I saw the cream colored shower curtain stall door, but it did not put me at ease or let me unwind. Though this restroom gets points for being a single-stall, it’s not enough. But it’s cool, you’ve got that shower curtain to shield you. It droops in the middle because there are hooks only at both ends holding it up. Budget cuts, maybe.

Maybe they could add a soap caddy type thing to use as a purse hanger? This seems like a place that would add fake plastic flowers in a lame attempt at coziness. Maybe there’s some legal thing about not having doors where there are people in handcuffs because you know, if you treat people like crap and deny things like stall doors they will surely respect you for it.

When I visited, the restroom was at least stocked with toilet paper, soap, and paper towels. It was clean but not sparkling. I guess you could just spray that shower curtain with Tilex Daily Shower Cleaner or some mildew preventer.

Bottom line is this bathroom sucks and I’m pissed about Traffic Court. Akron Municipal Court, Urine Luck finds you Guilty of piss-poor facilities. Your sentence is 1 out of 5 toilets and your fine is to improve this rating.

Emily Dressler still has a port-a-pot on her road.